"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." - I Peter 1: 8-9

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Heartbroken to Healing

Yesterday was soul crushing hard. By little blows like behavior issues in my children  and by hard knocks like heart breaking losses, I found myself curled in a ball weeping in my dark closet by dinner time.  All I had left to pray was, "Oh God, draw near. I am laid low."

In the midst of that sorrow, I heard Him whisper, "I see you."
It was enough. I got up and finished my day knowing the Almighty God was near. My heart was still heavy with grief and I surrendered to my day early with a 9 o'clock bedtime, but God sustained me. He even gave me the gift of laughter in the form of a little three year old boy we were babysitting, who naked as the day he was born, did a happy dance in our living room over the prospect of swimming.

The night ravaged me with horrendous dreams, but as I fought them off and opened my eyes to a new day, I heard again a whisper in my soul, "Celebrate, even with a broken heart."* I recognized the voice, not because it is a line from a song I love, but because God used that song to awaken my soul to worship today. I obeyed.
By worshipping God today in my brokenness, I am beating back the darkness and God gets the glory. All of a sudden I find joy rushing in like a balm on my wounds to soothe.  Hope stirs in my soul as I remember His promises and I set my eyes on Truth instead of the lies that tempt me to despair. 

Because God does not ask us to walk alone in this life, I asked my children to help me fight my battle today and worship God with me. I just am not strong enough to stand on my own, and that is His design. We are put in community and He gives us brothers and sisters in Christ to carry our burdens with us. They saw me struggle yesterday, prayed for me at lunch when I couldn't hold my head up any more, and forgave me when I lost my temper with them. I would be a fool to hide from them in my brokenness and exclude them from my healing.  They need to see me walk with Christ. So, my children and I alternated reading a Psalm and singing worship songs. My oldest son read from Psalm 16.

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    surely I have a delightful inheritance.  I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.  I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

         Yes. Though I am broken and stripped of everything, I have all my needs met, security, hope, wisdom, guidance, and confidence in Christ.  May His name be praised.  I do not know what road you are walking today or what battles you are fighting, but I know one way to fight back is to surrender.  Lay yourself low before the God of all Creation and worship Him.

"You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

Psalm 16:11
* Rend Collective's "Celebrate"

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